As a little girl, I always knew I wanted to be a Mom and have a family. God has always given me the desire to be a Mommy. I remember seeing Mom's with their babies and I would cry watching the love between a Mother and her child.
But no one can truly prepare a woman for what it's like to become a Mother. In the four years of trying to conceive, I figured by the time this baby would come I would be ready! I read all the books: What to expect when you're expecting, praying through your pregnancy, etc. I took the weekend crash course class learning how to care for your newborn and what to expect those first moments and months of having a baby.
But no one can prepare you...for the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful moments. The times when you feel like a failure and the times when you feel like you just won an Olympic race!
No one can prepare you for the lack of sleep. Oh, we are warned but not until you are thrown in the threshold of 3 hours of sleep in 72 hours do you truly understand. Until you have cried in the middle of the night with your baby just because you are THAT tired and that exhausted, do you understand.
No one can prepare you for all the questions that go along with being a new Mommy. And I had a million. How many times do you feed your baby? How long should you breastfeed ? When do you start solids? How do you swaddle? How do I know if something is wrong or if she is just crying because she is a baby? Is crying all day normal? (and a trillion, million more...)
No one can prepare you for the moment you leave your baby with someone else. The moment you bring them to daycare and watch as a stranger takes your baby's life in their hands. The moments you drive away sobbing like someone has ripped your heart out of your chest.
The first month of my daughter's life was the hardest...on me and on her. If she was awake, she was crying. My daughter had reflux and I spent every single week at the doctor figuring out the best course of action to make her more comfortable. And make sure I didn't lose my mind. Those ugly moments truly have no comparison to the beautiful moments...because no one can prepare you for the love you feel.
No one can prepare you for that moment you hear your baby cry for the first time. The flood of emotions that fill your heart and soul. The holes in your heart that you didn't know were there and immediately are filled with an overwhelming amount of love that takes your breath away.
No one can prepare you for those late night moments when you just want to sleep but you look down at this beautiful baby you created and you lock eyes long enough to understand each other without saying a word.
No one can prepare you for the first time your baby smiles at you. And the laughter you feel seeing that beautiful personality emerge!
No one can prepare you for the first time your baby laughs. And you are sure it is the most beautiful sound God ever created!
No one can prepare you for the JOY and LOVE of being a Mother.
The bond a Mother and baby is like no other. I truly did not know what love was before having my daughter. In the recent years, I often wondered what my "purpose" was. I am not athletic (well I was a cheerleader and that does count...) :), I don't really have any hobbies, I am not a great cook and truthfully I don't really enjoy cooking. There has to be something that God has called me to do, I often thought. And I knew there was an answer and a purpose He has for my life.
The answer to that question was the moment I met my daughter. The moment I became a Mother. This is it. This is what I was called to do. This is my purpose. And this is God's will for my life. My heart's desire has been answered through my daughter. The good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful moments...they are all worth it.
This is love. This is being a Mother.
