Faith, Hope & Love

Faith, hope and love. All three I have been blessed with and challenged with the last few years.

Tomorrow is me and Jimmy's 6 year wedding anniversary. Looking back, our wedding seemed like yesterday. But maybe that's because I watch our wedding video every chance I get.... :)
At the same time, it seemed like we were just babies. Only 25 years old when I got married. Wow, I was so young. And had no idea what was to come.

Jimmy and I have been dating on and off since I was 16. So we are going on 16 years of friendship and love. We were best friends before anything else and that is exactly what he is to me. My very best friend. I truly can not imagine my life without him. Okay, sappy and corny, I know but it brings tears to my eyes to think how much this man means to me and how much he has been there for me in all aspects of my life.

A couple of years ago, I went through some boxes of things I saved from middle school and high school. I came across an entire bin full of notes that I have saved.... so hilarious to go through! I found stacks of saved notes from Jimmy. The first one I opened was of course a love note from when we were probably 16/17 years old. I read through it smiling remembering when we were so young, freshly dating. I got through half the note and stopped at a sentence he wrote. "I want to marry you someday and live in a house with 2 dogs." It made me laugh - that is exactly what we have! And yet my heart felt heavy. Infertility had taken a beating on us both. Our relationship was still strong, but there was obviously a sadness (spoken and unspoken) with this missing "piece" to our lives.

Three in a half years of infertility, doctor appts, etc. my faith, hope and love has been tested. I have been through all stages of grief: shock to find out my diagnosis of PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome), pain and guilt for not being able to give my husband a child, anger and bargaining with God - please if you only give me a child I will do this and that..., depression - crying and calling my Mom every time I found out someone else was pregnant, adjustment of the reality that this might not happen, working though/reconstruction - getting a new Doctor and starting a new plan and finally acceptance.

Acceptance - hard thing to do and hard to truly believe and feel. Once I started seeing my infertility doctor, I truly had a turning point of accepting this might not be in God's plan. Although I 100% did not understand why, I had to realize God's plan is better then mine. I found an encouraging quote and wrote it out and put it on my fridge so I could see it every day, "Do not mistake God's patience for his absence. His timing is perfect and he is always with you." Do not mistake his patience for his absence... the best thing I have ever read. I had to accept He has a plan for my life and I need to trust that whatever it is - He knows best.

4 months later, God blessed me with this baby girl growing inside me.

So on my 6 year anniversary, I feel especially thankful.  Thankful my husband has been by my side through everything. I have a renewed belief in faith, hope and love. We have had an amazing 6 years, just us and our two dogs. We have had so much fun, so many things happen and so many blessings. I can't wait to see what the future brings!

Love,
Kristin